Looking back over the years of recent history since the end
of the 19th century to the present day and the extremely dangerous
crisis between Russia and Ukraine, indeed Russia and the world community, I am
struck by how many of the world leaders, at the outset of and in the aftermath
of the First World War, were elderly.
Indeed many of the generals of the various armies were of
such an age they were unable until almost the end of the war to abandon the
military tactics of the 19th century and face the harsh reality of
mechanized warfare.
Would younger leaders, generals have done much better?
WWII says not and the current crisis likewise.
It is among other things an urgent matter of praying for
right order between the generations, namely that the elderly share wisdom of
experience but do not dominate, the young learn from the elders’ wisdom and use
their own talents to make choices which will take us all deeper into global
solidarity as one universal family of persons striving for peace.
Now it may at first blush appear somewhat a leap from the
above to the challenge of being a grandparent, however the two are intimately
connected, for it is within the heart of each individual family, each
domestic-church, that we intercede for
the entire human family, for world peace.
As Moses lifted up both his arms that the Chosen People
might be victorious in battle, when we pray we must likewise lift up both arms:
prayer and fasting, especially fasting from having things ‘my way!’
Pope Francis often speaks about the treasure of the elderly,
the vital role of grandparents, what he sees as our having the strength to pass
on a noble inheritance, asking everyone to: “…pray for our grandfathers and
grandmothers….Let us ask for the grace to cherish, to listen to and venerate
our elderly, our grandparents.” [Nov.19.13]
The challenge in being a grandparent is to lead by loving,
prayerful example; to be wise, listen much, speak little as needed and when
speaking to do so with compassionate understanding and strive, by grace, not to
interfere for it is the parents who have the grace of state to parent the
grandchildren.
Since I became a grandfather some ten years ago it has
been/is an ongoing struggle and only, thanks in large measure to the struggles
of one of my grandsons who is only seven years old, I am learning how what
happens to him, how he reacts for example when his very loving father challenges
the boy to be, more obedient, my emotional reaction – hence the extremely hard
effort to keep my mouth shut! – is connected to wounds from my own childhood.
The challenge is to be still, allow the pain to unfold,
listen to the Holy Spirit and with great love pray for my son and grandson.
My grandson really wants to go with his dad to see a special
children’s movie, but my grandson struggles mightily, very common for a boy his
age being so full of energy, to slow down, pay attention in the moment.
So often he appears to be, or actually is, disobedient: for
example when asked to do some little chore playing with the new kitten is more
interesting.
Thus the boy has so far not gotten to see the movie with his
dad, so his dad the other day offered him another opportunity for the movie:
“If you can go the whole week without disobeying.”
The boy immediately erupted into sobbing saying: “That’s too
much! I can’t go a whole week!”
Immediately with great tenderness his dad encouraged him
saying how he believed the boy could do it.
His dad then helped the boy settle down and later I noticed
with great joy the two of them sitting outside, dad holding son with further
comfort and reassurance.
Of course interiorly when my grandson started to sob my
emotions spiked, my heart breaking and I wanted to say to my son something to
the effect of lowering the bar, make the challenge easier, to hold my grandson
and take away his pain.
Not by any strength of my will, only by grace did I sit
still and say nothing, knowing somehow at some point the Holy Spirit would
enlighten me.
Just now, praying for my grandson that he make it through
the week and have the special day with his dad it struck me, or rather I was
enlightened.
My own father, a member of the greatest generation, a WWII
vet of the navy, only once took me to a movie, at about the same age my
grandson is now, but my father never spoke with me on the tram ride to the
theater, nor during the movie, nor did he get me a treat, nor speak with me on
the way back.
Basically I was his cover, his excuse so he could go see the
movie which was about a battle he was familiar with.
The only time he ever spoke with me about his war
experiences, he was on a corvette and later on a destroyer doing convoy duty,
was near the end of his life and it was pretty gruesome.
It was only then I realized this good man suffered ptsd and
everything from my childhood fell into place and we were reconciled a few years
before his death.
However some wounds are not yet completely healed, but that
‘movie’ wound is less raw thanks to the experience of seeing the struggle of my
grandson, indeed the pain of the wound is part of my intercession that he make
it through the week and gets to the movie with his dad.
Parents are challenged to raise children into mature persons
who become faith-filled, loving, independent adults.
Grandparents are challenged to be a loving and wise
presence.
In the family of nations older democracies are challenged to
help the younger ones grow and mature as nations which sustain and protect life
from conception to natural death, protect families and the fundamental rights
and dignity of each person, assuring safety, adequate food, shelter, dignity of
work.
Just as our personal historical wounds from growing up
within a family must be brought to Jesus for healing – and the key to opening
the treasury of healing is to forgive those who have hurt us – so we must pray
that the historical wounds of peoples and nations be healed, thus as peoples
and nations we must forgive those who have wounded our ancestors, our nation in
the past.
Unless we engage in this healing forgiveness not only as
individuals, families, but as peoples and nations Russia will continue
expansionism like Hitler in the late 30’s; Syria will continue to slaughter her
own people; oppression, starvation, labour camps will dominate North Korea;
terrorists will be emboldened and eventually we will find ourselves confronted
by countless small wars which will morph into a world war where weapons of mass
destruction will be the norm.
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